I'm grateful each waking day, but sometimes I can't help but to be caught up with the busyness, interruptions and more to do list, that I really neglect to get a breather or even to go to the bathroom. I feel like I'm busier now than ever. Whether it's by choice or I'm really just wired to always find something "better" to do, rather than sometimes taking a step back to just BREATHE.
This last project for school couldn't have come at a better time. It's about creating our own Self-Care Plan, which I will be vulnerable enough to share in public and hopefully will help others to examine themselves who are also struggling in some, if not all that I struggle with. The main point...
"When I go through my day on empty, there is not much left to offer everyone else."
Section
1: Causes of Stress
Time
Demand:
Being
a mother is no joke. With all the nurturing that my children require, the care
my whole family needs, work, distance learning, quality time as a family and the
dozens of demands needed to run the household, I feel there is not enough time
in the day. Sometimes it’s so hard that it’s easy to feel like I’m running on
empty day in and day out.
Self-doubt
I
know it’s impossible to apply a one-size-fits-all approach, that’s why I try to
do my best to give what I can offer as long as I am able to, but the sad part
about it is that even if I accomplish something day by day, I know most of
those days, I do it with a little attitude here and there. So when I hit the
bed at night, it’s hard to sleep right away because my mind is running and feeling
the guilt, so I constantly reevaluate what I’m doing, looking for new insights
(from parenting experts, Google, or Social Media, which is absolutely the wrong
place to seek advice from), and trying to stay one step ahead the following day.
I feel like it’s easier for me to question myself and become stressed by the
consequences of making a mistake. I guess it’s all part of being a
conscientious mom.
When
my plans go awry
Being
the planner of the family, either by choice or simply because no one else in my
family takes the initiative to plan anything, so I take on the tasks. I have to
say though, that this is one of my weaknesses because I guess when I do all the
effort in planning and all of a sudden it wasn’t happening the way I thought it
would, then I feel like a failure or unappreciated. It could be a small thing,
but sometimes in the moment it doesn’t matter. It’s just enough for me to feel inadequate.
Of course, part of me is also wanting to be in control. I don't attack anyone,
but I stay very quiet.
Relationship
Demands
During
this quarantine days, this part of my stress level has gone up. Although good
relationships shouldn’t be a demand sometimes, I can’t help, but feel like it. As
I invest the necessary time into my relationships with my children, sometimes my
marriage takes a back seat, especially when I have two young children that
needs different and more attention. I have to say, there are times when it can
also be vice versa. I feel torn between meeting the needs of my children,
whether it’s my adult children wanting a heart to heart talk, my adolescent
daughter who’s in the stage of discovering herself or trying to keep up with my
youngest son who’s full of energy and still having enough energy for a
conversation or intimate time with my husband. Then there’s also my extended
family and friends who I definitely put on the back burner because of exhaustion
from household activities and doing what I can with the little time I have in a
day to help the community during this difficult time. So, what makes things
worse is I end up having this self-exhausting thought when good enough doesn’t
feel good enough. I feel like I’m always trying to do all things right. I give
my best, and when I’m done giving, I go ahead and give some more just to be
sure everyone’s taken care of or I will feel guilty.
School
and Workloads
I
enjoy the work I do and going to school, but I believe I become too absorbed by
it, that I overwork myself and don’t think of taking breaks because if I do,
that’s just another wasted time for me. For work, it makes me feel good that I have my own tasks I'm specifically responsible for (no one else does my job, so I guess there's "some sort" of job-security there - though no one is really secure), but the piled-up work and the lack
of pro-activeness from others to get some of work completed can make me feel anxious and stressed. For
school, I think I prioritize other things first and procrastinate. Nowadays
there’s the combination of distraction from my children while trying to focus
on work also, but they need my help with distance learning.
Signs
of Stress:
· Mood
swings. I become irritable and angry – I notice unnecessary things and make it
a big deal.
· Body
aches and pains (Headache, lower back and neck, stiff muscles)
· My
tone of voice, it’s with sarcasm.
· Dry
skin
· Lack
of sleep often shows my dark circles under my eyes.
· Memory
loss. I feel like it’s getting worse that I forget so many things.
· Concentration issues. I’m easily distracted, even when I’m
trying really hard to stay focus, my mind is wondering about other things I need
to do.
· Fatigue
My Triggers:
· Heavy
workload and too much responsibilities. The demands and workload are heavy. I feel
like I’m not setting a clear (or clearer!) goals for others, therefore, when
issues arise, instead of giving them a chance to take care of it, I end up
doing it for them because I feel it’s easier and quicker.
· Too
much to do. I feel like I also put this upon
myself because I have a hard time saying no most of the time, especially when I
see the need to help. So my to do list is piling up.
·
Family issues.
I’m a deep thinker, so when there’s family issues my mind can’t help to be
preoccupied with concerns. It affects my mood, but thankfully I’m able to
separate my personal and professional life, since I’m fully aware of the
consequences it might do to my job.
·
Being criticized.
· Planning
a vacation. I like to travel and I’m also a
foodie, so when we as a family plan a vacation, I spend a lot of time
researching for places to explore and food to try. I’m also the type who wants
to get our money’s worth, so when I plan, I have a full itinerary for all of us
by the hour of our vacations. Although, I welcome spontaneity, but only when my
plan is going well, if that even make sense.
· Finding
ways to help others. This might sound
counter-intuitive as a human service provider, but I think for me it stresses me
more when I’m trying to find more resources for my client. I guess I’m an
overachiever, which I’m not proud of, since I realize it doesn’t really make me
happy. In the moment, I feel like one resource is not enough or there’s
probably more encouragement I can give a person, so I try to give more.
· Exams
and homework. I tend to overthink, which causes me
to spend so much time on portions that are easy, but I second guess myself.
Self-Awareness:
I’m aware of my stress and triggers, but again I’m still stubborn, until I
start sleeping poorly, feeling tired all the time and no matter how much
caffeine I take or eat anything healthy, my body feels achy and feel tired.
Then there’s also my mood swings towards my family, but sometimes I’m still
prideful to apologize, even if my conscience is telling me, “Seriously,
Lovely!”
My Coping
Skills:
Both negative and positive.
· I
pray and it helps to keep me hopeful, that to everything there’s a season, and
a time for every purpose under heaven.
· I
stay quiet. However, my family knows that when I’m quiet it means to stay away
from mom because I’m not having a good day.
· I
do other things to avoid that one thing that stresses me out in the moment then
I would realize either during or after the fact that it didn’t help to undo the
harmful effects of stress, so now there’s even more work for me to do.
· I
keep working and end up having back pains and I won’t be surprised about other
possible health issues.
· I
go to a room for at least 15 minutes to just breathe and compose myself.
· I
use my massage chair.
· I
listen to music.
· I
read devotionals.
· I
watch comedy or drama movies, while working from home, then I would soon
realize that it definitely did not produce a complete relaxation for me.
· I
eat too much junk food and drink too much caffeinated drinks that I become
sluggish and the caffeine possibly stopped being effective because of
over-drinking.
· I
criticize and yell at my husband or children and I feel that it’s creating
tension in our home.
Section 2: Self-Care Plan for the next 6 months (one step at a time)
|
Sources
of Stress
|
Potential
Triggers
|
Signs
of Stress/Triggers
|
|
Work
Time
Relationships
School
Self-Doubt
|
Heavy workload/responsibilities
Too much to do
Family issues
Being criticized
Planning a
vacation
Finding ways to
help others
Exams and
homework.
|
Mood swings
Body pains
Tone of voice
Dry skin
Lack of sleep
Memory loss
Concentration
issues
Fatigue
|
Positive
Coping Skills and How to Implement them
|
Physical
Health
|
Emotional
Health
|
|
·
Stay hydrated by
drinking water more rather than caffeinated drinks. Add lemon/lime/cucumber
to help with the taste.
·
Eat healthier meals and
snacks by prepping ahead of time and drink my vitamins religiously.
·
Take bathroom breaks.
·
Join fitness classes
again and do it at least 2x a week.
·
Walk up and down the
stairs for at least 15 mins every other day.
·
Use my massage chair without
looking at my phone.
|
·
Cup Fill vs. Empty
Ratio by removing the activities that drains me and fill my day with what
makes me feel good. Remind myself that when I go through my day on empty,
there is not much left to offer everyone else. (Just don’t become
narcissist).
·
Set limits when asked
for help – it’s okay to say no.
·
Talk to my husband
about my stresses instead of keeping it in.
·
Ask my family for help
around the house.
·
Set aside at least 30
mins to an hour of daily quiet time (read, journal or just listen to
music).
|
|
Social
Life
|
Spiritual
Life
|
|
·
Resume date nights with
my husband once or twice a month.
·
Go out with friends or
hang out at their house at least once a month.
·
Have movie nights with
the family.
·
Go to the park or eat
out on Sundays with the whole clan. Just like old times!
|
Pray
Read my Bible
and Devotionals
Journal
Listen to
Podcast
|
Potential
Barriers
My
potential barriers would be my own diplomat personality, my stubbornness, my habit
of negative self-talk and being a perfectionist.
How
to Overcome Barriers
For
me to overcome the barriers, I need to remind myself that health is wealth.
It’s really a mind over matter and because I have a diplomat personality, I
need to be okay with saying no when I need to. When and if I’m having negative
self-talk, I need to shift my thinking and say the exact opposite to myself. To
embrace the truth that if I don’t step away to hydrate myself, to go for a
bathroom break or even to just get a breather, it will just affect my physical
health and my mental health even more.
When
feeling stressed because of doubt, I need to look beneath the surface to find
the reasons. Instead of wanting to take over, I need to dig deeper to what
matters most, which is to mind my health, my heart, my habits and my
relationships. To always be grateful of the not just the big things, but most
especially the small things that I have taken for granted.
Bottom line, please TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES - we're in this together 💗🙏
